5 Tips on Surviving Divorce
By Salli J. Hollenzer
Journal your thoughts and feelings: The best way to process your intense emotional feelings, quickly, is by writing them down. Get all that negative emotion out so it doesn’t eat you up, and then snap the book closed and be done with it! Studies show that people who write about their issues are more composed, at peace, and find solutions faster than those who don’t.
Salli’s Blog
I've been sick!, posted 2 days ago from today
So sorry to neglect my readers these past few weeks, but I became ill the first week of August and I'm just now on my feet again. Good life lesson: WASH YOUR HANDS! There are bugs and coodies EVERYWHERE!! My thoughts about divorce ... read more
Getting Out of the Divorce Box, posted 16 days ago from today
I listened to a wise man this morning. He was talking about changing behavior generally, but --as I usually do-- I listened with ears for ideas that might help my readers. And I found some divorce help gems! "The ego" doesn't want us to win,... read more
Sunny Dawn Facebook Page, posted 29 days ago from today
Check out my new Facebook wall and become a friend. I look forward to meeting you! Lots of love, Salli read more
Step Families, posted about 1 month ago from today
After you are divorced, and when the time is right, remarriage is an exciting step into a wonderful new life. Step families are often an important part of that experience. Having come from a family where my parents divorced, I had the privil... read more
Our True Identity, posted about 1 month ago from today
I found this short but incredibly beautiful talk today by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, second counselor in the First Presidency. Entitled: "Our True Identity", it spoke to my heart as I listened. There's someone out there that needs to hear... read more
LDS Divorce from a Child's Perspective, posted about 1 month ago from today
I finished an amazing book today entitled: "Relections from a Broken Mirror--Spiritual Values I Learned As an LDS Child of Divorce" by Deborah Eldredge Milne, Deseret Book Company, 1998. Having experienced my own parent's divorce when I was 16 ye... read more
Remarriage After Divorce, posted about 1 month ago from today
Remarriage after divorce is a concept that is different for every divorced person--there simply cannot be any hard-fast rules about what is best. It's a private choice; just be certain that you include the Lord in tha... read more
Magnify our Lives, posted about 1 month ago from today
Some thoughts to consider as you face divorce: "...fully magnify their mortal lives." I saw this phrase as I read "Miracle of Forgiveness" last night. I opened it's pages after watching mindless TV programs for awhile. I felt unin... read more
Rock Bottom, posted 2 months ago from today
I've been shuffling this little piece of paper around for about three weeks. On one side of it is a hand scribbled note. In quotes. But I can't find who said it. Anyway, the note says: "Rock bottom became the sure foundation on which I... read more
Biggest Healing Obstacle in Divorce, posted 2 months ago from today
From my observation, the biggest obstacle in healing from divorce is that people have a tendency to look back too much and too long. Though a certain amount of healthy ruminating is necessary in order to move forward, spending too much time ... read more
My Book on Internet Marriage , posted 2 months ago from today
I received a great response from a reader yesterday. Sharlene, from Georgia, bought my e-book, "Clicking on a Miracle" and loved it! Here are her words: "Salli, just a note to let you know I finished reading "Clicking on a Miracle"! Wow! Tha... read more
"Courage Doesn't Always Roar", posted 2 months ago from today
From a book entitled: "Courage Doesn't Always Roar," by Maryanne Radmacher: "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." "It takes courage to change your styl... read more
Self-Destruction in Slow Motion, posted 2 months ago from today
I was talking to Olivia on the phone today (remember, she's my oldest daughter that you read about in "Clicking on a Miracle"). She lives in New Hampshire with her husband, Shawn, and their five children. She quoted something to me that she ... read more
Excellent Divorce Protocol, posted 2 months ago from today
I had dinner with a dear friend the other night. She and I worked together as teacher aids in a special education classroom years ago. While work associates, we were both divorced. Well do we remember the days of standing in the rain on the p... read more
Mercy and Grace, posted 2 months ago from today
Have you read, "Clicking on a Miracle" yet? It's my amazing story about how Ken and I met. Download the first chapter for free. You'll LOVE it! Everyone tells us, with tears in their eyes, it ought to be a movie! Anyway, my step-dad, Me... read more
Wisdom = Organized Life!, posted 3 months ago from today
When you face divorce you also face a lot of existential questions: Why am I here? Where am I going? What is the meaning of life? From my own divorce days, I recall doubting every aspect of who I was. I questioned the achievements I had... read more
Above the Clouds, posted 3 months ago from today
I've always found it facinating that no matter how cloudy, gray, and deary it is in Portland when I get on an airplane for another destination, that once we're above the clouds, how sunny, bright, and energizing the world seems. It facinates... read more
One Word, posted 3 months ago from today
"One word frees us of all weight and pain in life, that one word is love." Sophocles read more
Two Kinds of Trials in Life, posted 3 months ago from today
I was just thinking about life and it's challenges; you know, that "opposition in all things" factor that we experience as mortals? The first type of difficulty we experience--that is easily side-stepped--is represented by the natural c... read more
"Trust...No Matter What Goes Wrong", posted 3 months ago from today
I saw this quote from Ann-Margaret in the Reader's Digest a few years. I recorded it in my journal because it impressed me at the time. I'll share it today as you experience the pains of your divorce. Remember, the Lord always knew you would ... read more
D&C 97:8-9--A Great Divorce Scripture, posted 3 months ago from today
"Verily I say unto you, all among them who know their hearts are honest, and are broken, and their spirits contrite, and are willing to observe their covenants by sacrifice--yea every sacrifice which I the Lord shall command--they are accepted of ... read more
Divorce is a Type of Labor and Delivery!, posted 3 months ago from today
When my oldest son was a newly returned missionary, I recall bemoaning my frustration about my divorced life to him as we lounged together on the back patio. He sat patiently and tried to be attentive, though I could sense it was a strug... read more
Begun in Anger, End in Shame, posted 3 months ago from today
I was going through my journal from a couple of years ago and I saw this quote from Benjamin Franklin: "Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." I discovered the quote during a time in mine and Ken's life when we were ... read more
3 Principles to Combat the Effects of Pornography, posted 3 months ago from today
I found a helpful website today that offers some interesting insights on how to guard against the effects of pornography. It's not an LDS site, but the principles they offer are what the church teaches. read more
Unexpected Places, posted 3 months ago from today
Whew! Glad we got all that divorce toxicity out of our system! I hope you've benefited by the DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com material that I've been quoting from for the past several days. I think they make some pretty good points about releasing e... read more
Final Note on Toxicity, posted 3 months ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com "This is the time in which you would really benefit from a lot of empathy, love, and compassion not shame or judgment. Foster love and compassion for yourself and request it from your community of support. Ask yo... read more
A Bit More on Toxicity, posted 3 months ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com "Leading a new, fulfilling and happy life is more than worth the commitment to purge. Dwelling in thoughts and feelings that do not empower you is unhealthy and destructive to your new future. Negative think... read more
More on Toxicity, posted 3 months ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com "You are acknowledging what is so for you and giving whatever it is permission to be there. Guess what? If you do just that while NOT entertaining any negative and disempowering internal dialogue, you will move t... read more
More on Releasing Toxicity, posted 4 months ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com "The emotional haywire you are experiencing is being triggered by present events and it is important to maintain awareness that your old emotional wounds and pain from your past are being reactivated as well. You... read more
Releasing Emotional Toxicity, posted 4 months ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com You're going through one of the most emotionally challenging experiences in life. The divorce process can be something like an emotional roller coaster of anger, rage, bitterness, resentment, sadness, depression ... read more
Facing Reality During Divorce, posted 4 months ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com "It takes two to tango and the reality is that two people occupy a marriage. This makes you both co-creators of the marriage and the divorce. Do you have good evidence that your ex is at fault? Consider that you ... read more
Choosing Honesty and Responsibility As You Go Through Divorce, posted 4 months ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com Choosing Honesty and Responsibility Over Being a Victim "If you really want to survive the emotional wounds of divorce and create a new life, then you will need to choose being totally responsible over b... read more
Fifth Stage of Divorce Grief, posted 4 months ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com The fifth aspect of the divorce grieving process is acceptance. Basically, you've resolved emotional issues and accepted the reality of divorce. You are now able to stay in control, think strategically, and focus... read more
Fourth Stage of Divorce Grief, posted 4 months ago from today
From DiovrceSupportGroupsBlog.com A fourth aspect of the divorce grieving process is depression. Depression is completely normal and can set in over time. During this phase, you will cry a lot and it's important to let yourself cry when you feel ... read more
Third Stage of Divorce Grief, posted 4 months ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com A third aspect of the divorce grieving process is bargaining. Bargaining is different from negotiating in that it is characteristic of desperation and a cligning to the marriage. Bargaining sounds something like,... read more
Second Stage of Divorce Grief--part 2, posted 4 months ago from today
Again, taken from DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com: "I have also found toning to be a very effective method to release anger. With toning, you take a deep breath and then make a vocal sound sustaining it for the length of the breath. Then take anothe... read more
Second Stage of Divorce Grief, posted 4 months ago from today
Once again, from DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com: "A second aspect of the divorce grieving process is anger. By the time the subject of divorce has come up, there have probably been many instances of frustration and sources of anger in your marriage... read more
First Stage of Divorce Grief, posted 4 months ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com: "The first stage of divorce grief is denial. In this stage, your mind basically refuses to accept what is happening. Denial is very common and occurs when our mind is presented with contradictory information fro... read more
Stages of Divorce Grief, posted 4 months ago from today
Taken from DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com: From "Top 10 Strategies to Heal the Pain of Divorce..." as viewed on DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com: "Did you know that there are stages of the divorce grieving process? Knowing them will support you during... read more
Honesty Over Victimhood, posted 4 months ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com: Choose honesty and responsibility over being a victim. To overcome victimhood, ask yourself the following questions: 1) What are the facts and truths of my marriage and divorce? How have I confused truths and f... read more
Self-Mastery and Measured Pleasure, posted 4 months ago from today
Divorce is such a great time to re-evaluate important aspects of your life. Wipe the slate clean and decide what you want to change about yourself. We've talked before about the idea of "re-inventing" yourself at this critical juncture. Did you k... read more
Your True Worth, posted 4 months ago from today
Going through divorce can leave a person doubting their worth. Because the process of divorce can feel like an amputation without anesthesia, it's not uncommon that a person might be left feeling emotionally shattered and physically spe... read more
Continuing With "The Perfect Match" Idea, posted 4 months ago from today
I knew a lady once who said that she and her husband were a perfect match. As I observed them over the course of several months, I couldn't help notice how different they were from each other: she was active, liked to be involved with lots of peop... read more
Is There Really A Perfect Match Out There?, posted 4 months ago from today
One of our readers asked this question the other day. The answer is---YES! But remember, as is true with all of earthlife, perfection is relative..First ask yourself these questions when you are considering remarriage: Can a garden be "per... read more
The Benefits of Professional Counseling, posted 5 months ago from today
Over the course of my challenging marriage I sought support through LDS Social Services and found that it helped a lot. Did it solve my marital troubles? Personally, no; mostly due to the fact that I was the only person in my marriage union t... read more
Clicking on a Miracle, posted 5 months ago from today
I've received lots of feedback, through our readers, that life as a divorced person is hard. It breaks my heart to hear sad circumstances, but because of my experience I can also tell you that things really do get better! And often, they get so m... read more
The Embarrassment of Divorce?, posted 5 months ago from today
When I was considering divorce, back in the day, I petioned the Lord a lot on the subject. I had to figure out how a decision like divorce could be right for me when much of what I felt I understood, spoken to us by our prophet and general authori... read more
Letting Go of the World, posted 5 months ago from today
A wonderful exercise that you can begin as you face divorce, and the opportunity to build a new life, is to ponder what it might mean to you to begin letting go--just a bit more than you ever have before--of things of a worldly nature. In general... read more
Pretending Not to Know-part 2, posted 5 months ago from today
When we face divorce with its associated troubles, pretending not to know something becomes far too easy. Since "pretending not to know" inhibits character growth and keeps us stuck, here are some thoughts to consider on how to change: heighte... read more
Pretending Not to Know, posted 5 months ago from today
I read an article a few years ago about things people pretend not to know. You know, like pretending not to know that you left the store without paying for something, or that you took credit for an idea that wasn't really yours, or that something... read more
The Divorce Dance!, posted 5 months ago from today
Take a minute to check out this funny YouTube video! The Divorce Dance read more
Helen Steiner Rice , posted 5 months ago from today
"When God makes a promise, It remains forever true, For everything God promises He unalterably will do. When you're disillusioned And every hope is blighted Recall the promises of God And your faith will be relighted." read more
Patience is better than Pride, posted 5 months ago from today
"Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit," Eccl.7:8. While I was newly divorced and experiencing the learning curve of going from being married to being divorced, as we... read more
Making the Decision Ahead of Time, posted 5 months ago from today
When I was recovering from divorce and considering remarriage, I remember making the decision that I didn't want to marry someone who needed to be converted to the ways of the Lord. I wanted someone who was already worthy to go to the temple...and... read more
Every Day is a Gift, posted 5 months ago from today
I found this today and thought I would share it with those of you facing the transition from being married to divorced. Barry Gottlieb's thoughts can help when coping with divorce and divorce recovery. Enjoy! Excerpt from: Every Day is a Gift,... read more
If You Could See the End From the Beginning, posted 5 months ago from today
I've always loved this phrase. Read my story, "My Little Red-Haired Son" and you'll know why! As the tale goes, when I was freshly processing the news that my little baby had cerebral palsy the spirit whispered, as I lay crying in my bed, "If you... read more
Little Children and Divorce, posted 5 months ago from today
Little children can carry heavy burdens. While they dig tunnels, roads, and build mountains in the sandbox, they can be reflecting on the angry words their parents shouted at each other over breakfast, or remembering their mothers sobs echoing th... read more
How Do Great Things Come?, posted 5 months ago from today
That is a good question--especially when you are divorced and trying to carve out a future for yourself! To answer the question, "How do great things come?" I have been told that the best solutions are very simple and are typically right in front... read more
Diggin' Up Old Garbage, posted 5 months ago from today
I was reviewing a journal entry from October conference 2006 and remembered the talk given by Elder Shane Boen. Do you remember it? He described the city of Idaho Falls and the fact that beautiful parks and a useful airport are all built on top of... read more
To Want What the Lord Wants, posted 5 months ago from today
At my age (mid 50's), I've come to embrace a simple truth that seems--at least for me--to make life much easier. That truth is to simply let go of all that I think I want and to say to the Lord, "Thy will be done." It's not that I've let go of my... read more
The Nature of Earthlife, posted 5 months ago from today
I believe that the nature and purpose of earthlife, with all its good and bad rolled together, holds tremendous eternal purpose and meaning. Especially as it pertains to the heartbreak that manifests in our life from time to time. Like ... read more
What We are Feeling, posted 5 months ago from today
Today I read the phrase: "What we are feeling leads us to what we experience." It struck me how true that is! We already know that what we continually think about--for good or for evil--creates what happens for us. If we feel passionately about bu... read more
Telling Adult Kids , posted 5 months ago from today
The question of telling your adult kids about your divorce has recently come up. Here are the thoughts I shared: Telling your adult children will be easier than you anticipate. They have seen and experienced more than you might realize. After so ... read more
"It's Better to Have Loved and Lost...", posted 6 months ago from today
Since we've all been married and divorced around here, I think it's appropriate to be upfront about how we feel about our previous marriage that ended in failure. Since our February Sunny Dawn focus is on relationships, and one of the obvious rela... read more
February Focus for "Married / Divorced", posted 7 months ago from today
Gee whiz! We are five days into February already! Where does time go? They use to say, "Time flies when you are having fun," but when I was married, and then divorced, I found that time flies whether you are having fun or not! You might feel tha... read more
A Final Note on New Beginnings, posted 7 months ago from today
Today marks the end of the first month of 2010...amazing how quickly time flies! Since I've been talking about "fresh starts" and "new beginnings" when you are going from being married to being divorced, how can I not spend time on the most meani... read more
How About Adding Holiness to our Lives?, posted 7 months ago from today
As someone who has been through divorce, and as I think about new beginnings and how I want to improve myself, I've been compelled to ponder the value and importance of adding more spirituality--holiness, if you will--to my life; especially now th... read more
Speaking of Positive Affirmations..., posted 7 months ago from today
After I remarried, 6 1/2 years ago, and Ken and I moved from Portland, Oregon to Madison, Wisconsin ("Clicking on a Miracle" see our Product Page for more details!), I decided to write a list of events and ambitions I wanted to have happen in my l... read more
The Words, "I am...", posted 7 months ago from today
Now that you have gone from being married to being divorced, let's spend a little bit of time reviewing one of my particular favorite ways in which we can move forward to intend a fresh and positive start into the future. The old fashioned ... read more
No One Said Divorce Would Be Easy..., posted 7 months ago from today
I was thinking today of the many references we hear regarding life, such as: "Anything worthwhile is never easily achieved," "No one said it would be easy--only worth it," and "Life is hard work--and hard work hurts!" It doesn't sound very encour... read more
How to Begin After Divorce? Channel Your Energy!, posted 8 months ago from today
Being married and then divorcing can take all the wind out of your sails for awhile. My worst health and my most depleted-energy-days all seemed to happen when I was transitioning from being married to being divorced. Perhaps it was because the l... read more
"Remember Lot's Wife" by Jeffrey R. Holland, posted 8 months ago from today
January is a great time to ponder new beginnings. Here's a beautiful talk recommended to Ken and I this afternoon by a couple in our ward. Entitled, "Remember Lot's Wife" Given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland last year on January 13th, 2009 at a BYU ... read more
New Year Ahead!, posted 8 months ago from today
Welcome to 2010! The New Year is such a great time to pause and evaluate, consider the possibilities, and begin again to create the life you want to enjoy when you have transitioned from being married to divorced. I like that about life! The... read more
An Amputation Without Anesthesia, posted 9 months ago from today
They say some divorces are "good" divorces. I suppose that means that valiant, long-term attempts were made to revive (or salvage) the marriage and the reality of continuing on together is determined counter-productive. Yes, I guess a marriage ch... read more
Set a Date, posted 9 months ago from today
Despite the fact that I was the spouse that intiated divorce, the transition from married to divorced was not an easy one for me. In the beginning I felt the need to explain myself to everyone I knew. As word got around that I was separating from ... read more
When I was Single, Going to Church Was Hard, posted 9 months ago from today
I've always loved the gospel of Jesus Christ. Growing up in an active LDS family, I doubt that I ever missed church three weeks in a row. I raised my children the same way--we went to church no matter the weather! And it wasn't hard. I loved churc... read more
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