Divorce and Your Adult Children

Salli's Divorce Support Blog

I've had a few questions from readers on the topic of telling your adult children about your divorce. Here are a few tips:

  • Don't become overly emotional with your children when discussing the divorce. Your children, no matter how old, are at a tender place, themselves, and need to see you act with maturity and composure.
  • Don't go to them for comforting. You, as the parent, need to the one that carries the weight of this event in your life. Be a loving, reassuring parent at this time.
  • Don't make your children your confidante. Keep private information and divorce issues to yourself. Most adult children won't care to hear the details, so spare them the heartache. Vent to a friend, not your child.
  • Just as when your children were little, don't use adult kids as a go-between when communicating with your former spouse. This places them in an uncomfortable position and creates unnecessary hard feelings for everyone.
  • Don't try to elicit your children's support against the other parent. Forcing them to choose between the two of you will create unhealthy and needless problems for them.
  • Don't interfere in their relationship with their other parent. Ask only about your children's lives; not about what's happening for the other parent.

Just a few thoughts on a tender topic.

A word to the wise: Be keenly aware of the impression you are leaving your children--whether they are young or adult. You won't always feel the intense emotional feelings you are experiencing right now, so do not create a lasting memory for your kids of the momentary anger and hurt you feel today.

Remember, when it comes to the trauma of divorce, "this too shall pass away".


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salli

My name is Salli.

Divorced and full of fret and regret, I found my 'Reason for Living' on the internet. Now, my life is lots of fun, married in Portland, Oregon.

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