Divorce and Sexual Needs

Salli's Divorce Support Blog

I won't be shy...

For LDS folks--especially those who have been through the temple--how to manage sexual needs, as we face the challenges of divorce, is a big problem. When those powerful desires have been regularly met in a marriage relationship, and you find yourself unmarried, dealing with those feelings appropriately becomes a reality that you may not feel comfortable talking about with others.

Having been sexually active for twenty-five years, managing those feelings when I was divorced was a situation I dealt with successfully. I didn't want to do anything that would impinge on my temple worthiness, nor lead to regret and shame or slow my personal progress during this time in my life.

As I prayed about the problem, the Spirit reminded me to do as I had been taught in Primary when faced with any form of temptation. And what was that? You remember, "Hum your favorite hymn"!

I know many may say, "Get real, Lady!" They may even question why it isn't okay to "take matters into their own hands" (my choice of terms is graphic, unfortunately, given the subject matter, but I really want people to know what I'm talking about without being explicit).

But Saints of the Lord are expected to keep their lives on a higher plane--expecially when times are tough. Divorce is no time to let down your standards, especially in this area of your life.

Music, and particularly hymns, have an associated power. I hold the conviction that Satan flees the room where sacred music plays. So, listen to inspired music, make it the background music of your life.

Or when you're alone at night with no other resource, choose a favorite hymn and start singing when those powerful feelings wash over you. Sing and sing until the feelings leave. And they will leave.

Singing my favorite hymn has saved me on many occasions! And it can do the same for you.



I am a convert to the Church, and have been going through a divorce with a non-member. Now that I'm making new friends and considering dating once the divorce is final, I've had plenty of opportunities to do similar things to keep my mind off those things! Hymns are great, I sing them all day long. Reading scriptures definitely make those feelings leave. Having a Temple-minded buddy definitely helps! One of my new friends (a widower) saw my picture and tells me "Those lips just shout KISS ME!" I told him "They're actually shouting TAKE ME TO THE TEMPLE OR BUST!" He loves and _appreciates_ how much I love the Temple, and that I don't take his flirts to the far points they don't belong outside of marriage. I am going to go through the Temple for the first time before the end of the year, and having his friendship and understanding makes me all the more set on going to the Temple. Having a love for Heavenly Father means I love and respect this body He has given me, and I don't want to ruin the completely awesome chance of having a relationship unlike any I've ever had outside the Church! Temple marriage is my ONLY goal when it comes to dating, and I am unwavering in my quest to get there. Having met someone with the same goals and same love of the Temple is just icing on the cake! My new buddy and I agreed that we're going to go to the Temple as a date, once I've been through--what a great way to serve together! :)

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My name is Salli.

Divorced and full of fret and regret, I found my 'Reason for Living' on the internet. Now, my life is lots of fun, married in Portland, Oregon.

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