Divorced? Don't Be Too Hard on Yourself

Salli's Divorce Support Blog

I read in the Mormon Times last month a great article by Wendy Ulrich, entitled: "When does it help to be hard on ourselves?" And guess what I learned? Never! is the answer to that conscientious question.

Wendy talks about how we, as individuals, "assume hammering ourselves will keep us from getting complacent and spur us to improve. We are quick to feel ashamed of our flaws and to berate ourselves for mistakes." 

And yet when our friends mess up, we're generally compassionate and tell them not to worry so much--and we do so with empathy and concern. We don't judge our friends nearly as harshly as we judge ourselves.

Wendy goes on to describe the fact that research shows that people who are self-compassionate fare better than those who are critical and harsh about their mistakes. She says those who are highest in self-compassion are least likely to get defensive and most likely to take responsibility for their mistakes.

So let's give ourselves a little credit, remembering that the Lord doesn't condemn us, either. If we are spiritual beings first, here on earth having a human experience, let's spend less time kicking ourselves and more time moving forward.

Besides, what a great example for our kids to follow. As they mature into adults in this crazy, mixed world they deserve to be taught the best skills for their personal progress. And kindness for self may be the best tool we can offer them!

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My name is Salli.

Divorced and full of fret and regret, I found my 'Reason for Living' on the internet. Now, my life is lots of fun, married in Portland, Oregon.

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