Getting Use To Being Alone
Adjusting to life as a single person is probably one of the hardest things about getting divorced. When you are married, even during the worst of times, you are still part of a couple and have a sense of being linked to another person. But the moment you take that wedding ring off, life takes on a whole different spin.
I remember the first time I went to the grocery store after removing my wedding band. As I walked through the check-out stand, I recall being self-conscious about the fact that I didn’t have a ring on my finger. It seemed to me as though everyone noticed and that the word “divorce” was flashing above my head in neon lights, pointing at me in my exposed and vulnerable state.
I felt ashamed and embarrassed. I felt like a failure.
If you are at this place, let me remind you that all transitions take a little bit of time to adjust to—even the good transitions. Give it some time. You will not always feel this way!
Remember, before we were part of a couple, we were an individual; a child of God that the Lord treasures—married or not. Being single again is the time to become reacquainted with that precious person—YOU!
Take yourself, alone, to the movies and laugh out loud by yourself. Go to a restaurant and order a table for one…and don’t stare into your iPhone while you eat. Just savor the beauty of being a confident, autonomous human being, capable of doing hard things; one in whom the Lord delights as you redefine your life.
And most importantly, take time to be alone with the Lord. Perhaps take a drive to a lofty view of a beautiful valley below, or maybe sit in a parking lot someplace where you won’t be interrupted. Take the scriptures and your journal. Pray. And listen for the Lord to talk to you. Then write it all down on the pages of your diary. Such records, at this time in your life, become your own personal scriptures.
But my most favorite place to go alone---especially while I was a single lady—was to the temple. I kept my temple recommend shiny during this time in my life, which allowed for a stronger-than-ever bond to be forged between me and Heavenly Father.
Very quickly you’ll discover that singlehood affords opportunities not to be missed!
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Lawrence Borges
Great Article! I remember feeling jubilant after passing my repentance process, finally getting my recommend reinstated and going to my ex's grandmother's funeral where I saw her grandfather, a former bishop. I showed it to him to let him know that I had received it. He seemed joyous and told me "Now use it!" Very interesting that my ex is the one with the problem. She was there as well and seemed troubled. Her mom told her "You got yourself into this mess, now get yourself out of it!" I am blessed that I have great friends in my ward that allow me the opportunity to tag along on many outings, including the Temple, and Single Adult activities. Suddenly, the times when I am alone, don't seem so hard to bear anymore.