Twelve Years After Divorce

Salli's Divorce Support Blog



When my children's father and I divorced twelve years ago he immediately moved out of state. Consequently, I haven't seen him much over the intervening years. Our children were mostly grown when he left, so it was never necessary to join forces in making a decision on their behalf or communicating with each other about their needs.

We were lucky that way.

I remember that he did return, once, to attend the wedding reception of our oldest son. I was still single then and recall standing in line at the party with this stranger-who-use-to-be-my-husband, standing at my elbow. The dress I was wearing had a sash in the back; when it came untied, I recall how he casually—and ever so naturally--reached down to tie it for me.

One of those moments in time when worlds collide and you find yourself asking, "What is life all about, anyway?"

Fast forward several years and I am happily married to my sweet Kenny now. He and I were on vacation last week and we had occasion to see that ‘stranger’. It has probably been 7 or 8 years since our paths last crossed.

The moment I saw his face I experienced a terrible, terrible sadness. He wouldn’t, or couldn’t, look at me. I didn’t sense a spirit of anger or ill-will, at all. Just humility…as well as evidence of suffering that long years of loneliness has brought about. He has lived alone mostly, since we parted, allowing time to contemplate the choices that led him to his place of unhappiness, I imagine. How does that feel?

What I wish he could have known was the deep sense of compassion I felt towards him that day, and of my forgiveness. I wonder if it would matter to him that I have feelings of hope that someday—when we stand together before the Lord—he can trust that I will speak up for him; that I will own my personal errors and plea for his forgiveness.

But in spite of my tender feelings of empathy, I still feel hugely indebted to the Lord that I don’t have to live with him anymore. I hope I don’t sin in that thought.



I feel your pain

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My name is Salli.

Divorced and full of fret and regret, I found my 'Reason for Living' on the internet. Now, my life is lots of fun, married in Portland, Oregon.

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