The Second Time Around

Salli's Divorce Support Blog

So you're divorced and you want to move on with your life.

Hold on. Not so fast!

Although there is great merit in wanting to move forward after struggling through a painful divorce, there is one situation that you simply cannot presume to lay on the already raw and hurting circumstances, and that is:

You can't bring a new love interest into the family mix. Not right away, anyway.

Asking a child (no matter what their age) to accept a situation like that would be harder than asking a new mother to leave her hospital bed, after giving birth, to play a game of soccer.

All involved may feel as though they have been through a major upset, so expecting them to be friendly and accepting towards a new love interest is way too much to expect.

Think about it, when you are at your worst (sad, depressed, and confused), having to be at your best with a stranger--especially a stranger that may be going to take your parent's place in your other parent's life--is beyond what can be reasonably expected.

Before introducing your family to someone new, let the focus of your family gatherings be on your family of origin. Let get-togethers celebrate the children, as they make effort to heal and become accustomed to the new way things are.

Eventually, a new step-parent can be one of the best events that ever happen in a fractured family. But if it comes about too soon, it's not only a reflection of  insensitivity; it could also backfire and be the worst possible choice you could make at this point in time.

If there is ever a time to follow the spirit, this is it! Discretion is paramount!



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My name is Salli.

Divorced and full of fret and regret, I found my 'Reason for Living' on the internet. Now, my life is lots of fun, married in Portland, Oregon.

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