Bi-Polar Disorder and Divorce

Salli's Divorce Support Blog

A reader wrote today asking if there is anyone in the LDS divorced community who has experience with a spouse with bi-polar disorder. Here is a bit of insight, as well as her question:

"I was not even able to have a rational conversation with my spouse to try and save our marriage because his perspective was so irrational and he was going by his moods which were not based on reality, so I have been left with the feeling of devastation and frustration in not having been able to talk to him and have him feel what I was saying in order to continue our marriage.

"Our bipolar marriage is a long story and so bizarre no one would understand. But what I would like to know is if anyone has dealt with a mentally ill spouse and divorce?"

If there is anyone who can relate to this sister, please make comments below so she can benefit from your experience and advice. No long historical descriptions, please; just good sound comfort and counsel!

Thanks for your help!

Love, Salli


Christine Kairies

Dear Salli, I have just come upon your blog, and I am finding it very helpful. I have just gotten divorced last week. The writer above regarding a bi-polar and irrational spouse is very relateable to me. My ex-husband suffers from anxiety, obsessive disorder, and depression. For years, I thought he was just a jerk to me, until a serious event occured, which prompted the formal diagnoses by a phyciatrist. Further, he has abused sleeping pills and alcohol to cope with his anxiety issues for over a decade. It has been 3 years since he was formally diagnosed, and I have tried so many times, and in different avenues, to help him. He refuses to acknowledge he has a problem and will not take his prescribed anxiety medication as directed. There are moments when he can be rational, but those fade quickly, and the majority of the time, he is completely irrational. I suspect he also has a bi-polar issue, because there are jekel and hyde personality differences. Ultimately, I made the very difficult decision to file for divorce after 15 years of marriage, because I could no longer take the verbal and emotional abuse, and at times physical abuse and intimidation, when he was under the influence of pills and alcohol. I could not allow my children to grow up in a constantly negative environment. The most difficult part I am dealing with right now is that he refuses to accept any responsibility for his actions that contributed to the divorce, he blames everything on me because I filed for the divorce, and he talks badly about me to our 3 children. I have resolved to remain positive, avoid him, and I pray I can be a good example to my children, and I do not speak negatively about him to the kids. It feels like I cannot get any closure with him, since he won't have a rationale conversation with me, where we both can acknowledge our own faults, and agree to get along for our kids benefit. Thanks for listening.


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salli

My name is Salli.

Divorced and full of fret and regret, I found my 'Reason for Living' on the internet. Now, my life is lots of fun, married in Portland, Oregon.

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