Set a Date

Salli's Divorce Support Blog

Despite the fact that I was the spouse that initiated divorce, the transition from being married to being divorced was not an easy one for me.

In the beginning I felt the need to explain myself to everyone I knew. As word got around that I was separating from my children's father, the dissolution of my marriage seemed like the only thing I talked about no matter who I was with.

I suppose the process of divorce kind of shocks the system--like being in a terrible car accident; for awhile I was probably incapable of talking about anything else.

But gratefully, within a short period of time, even I got tired of hearing "the story".

My divorce occurred in October and, as the end of the year approached, I decided on a tactic that worked well for me. I wrote out a short response to give to people whenever the subject came up in conversation; being prepared with a courteous answer to well-meaning and caring folks who asked about the details, without disclosing all the unfortunate specifics, was a great solution.

After all, my intent wasn't to defame or discredit my former spouse, so going on about what happened wasn't really what I wanted to do--I just wanted people to know that there had been a change in my life.

So I set a date. And when that day dawned, I deliberately chose to spare the world, and myself, the repetition of the details. And it worked! I stopped talking and most people stopped asking.

If someone in my life did bring up the subject, I merely affirmed the news and that circumstances had all worked out for the best. To do this I had to affirm my conviction in my decision and others simply had to trust that I had made the best choice for myself and my family.

Once I stopped talking about it all, I was suddenly free to move on. Stopping the talk stopped my ruminating and allowed me to turn the page in my life. And that felt really good.

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My name is Salli.

Divorced and full of fret and regret, I found my 'Reason for Living' on the internet. Now, my life is lots of fun, married in Portland, Oregon.

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