Telling Adult Kids

Salli's Divorce Support Blog

The question of telling your adult kids about your divorce has recently come up. Here are the thoughts I shared:

Telling your adult children will be easier than you anticipate. They have seen and experienced more than you might realize. After so many years of observing you and their father, they already have a sense of why this decision will be a good one.

If I could go back and change anything from my experience, it would be to have taken more confidence in my decision, at the time, and then approaching the kids with more strength, rather than with as much uncontrolled emotion as I felt during that period. I may have upset my children unnecessarily, I fear. They took on my pain and that was not necessary.

I wish I had simply stated the facts without going into the details. I wish I had asked them to simply trust divorce was the best decision. Would I show sorrow? Absolutely! Just not the anger. No venting to the children. Focus more on their grief. Comfort them. Be prepared for their own negative emotions and let them vent to you. They will vent to the parent they feel most comfortable with. Allow their feelings, but remember that not everything they say will reflect your reality. Correct their perceptions gently, if you need to; the timing, for such, is important.

Remember, the Lord always knew that your children would have this experience in their life and they are equipped to handle the pain. It can make them better, more compassionate people.

Your divorce has the potential of making the world make better sense to them, now. They will be relieved to see you move forward. They will be watching to see how you handle yourself at this critical time in your life, so do your best to be the best you can be. Show integrity. Show compassion--even for their father. Just remember, you can forgive him without having to be with him forever.

Divorce is a pruning. It will seem stark and perhaps even brutal, at first, but just remember the fruits come later. Sunny dawns are ahead for you. The best parts of your life are ahead! I am excited for you.

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My name is Salli.

Divorced and full of fret and regret, I found my 'Reason for Living' on the internet. Now, my life is lots of fun, married in Portland, Oregon.

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