The Embarrassment of Divorce?

Salli's Divorce Support Blog

When I was considering divorce, back in the day, I petioned the Lord a lot on the subject. I had to figure out how a decision like divorce could be right for me when much of what I felt I understood, spoken to us by our prophet and general authorities, seemed---to me---to discourage that decision.

I hadn't yet fully understood that "general authorities" grant "general information" to the "general population of the church" for "general circumstances". Sometimes, even in the church, there are exceptions.

But even still, the decision required much prayerful petitioning. It seemed I asked continually to know how to change things in a marriage that, for many years, hadn't felt "right". If I'm honest, for most of those years, I placed the burden of changing things on the Lord. I wanted Him to alter the circumstances.

Remembering that period of my life, I have to ask: did my imploring weary Him? Or are pleading prayers part of the upward reaching of man that God encourages? Perhaps part of what is to be learned, in the the mortal struggle, is to define what we don't want--and why--which, sometimes, only comes through suffering indecision, confusion, and unhappiness.

But decide, I did--finally. And the rest is history! But still there are times I feel self-conscious about my decision...

Last night, for instance, as I sat in the temple lobby waiting for my sweetheart, I saw a darling couple I had known before my divorce. I had been a stake missionary when the sister-of-the-couple was dating her husband. He was a non-member, at the time, and the sister refused to marry him unless he joined the church.

Of course, he was eventually baptized, they married, and have since gone on to be very active--obviously--and are preparing, now, many years later, to send their first missionary off.

As we spoke, nothing was said of "divorce" per say, but they both wanted to know how I was doing. It felt really good to say--with pure joy--that, "I am very happy!"

But as Ken and I left the temple later, I felt a bit chagrined as "the former, older, ward lady who had gotten divorced and ultimately moved out of the area". I wondered how that couple really perceived me and my circumstances. As a happily married twosome, could they ever truly believe that my decision to leave my former spouse had been inspired? After all these years I can still feel some embarrasssment about being a divorced person...

But driving home, the memory of the couple's particular circumstances hit me! They understood my situation perfectly and were, mostly likely, thrilled that I'd found happiness as I remembered, suddenly, that when they married they had combined their little families....because both of them had been divorced, too!

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My name is Salli.

Divorced and full of fret and regret, I found my 'Reason for Living' on the internet. Now, my life is lots of fun, married in Portland, Oregon.

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